Not a Midwesterner in the bunch

She's does a fabulous job, but not a midwesterner. Hm.

Ninja Hamsters

If Dogs Could Talk

I didn't watch the Superbowl, so I missed most of the commercials, which are historically pretty good. This year? Not so much. But a few had me laughing like crazy.

Including this one: 'Talking to Animals'. I have no doubt that if dogs could really talk, this is what they would say.

Canned Pancakes

Well, this might be a sign of the coming collapse of society: pancakes and waffles from an aerosol can. Organic, even.

Seriously. About 9 full-sized pancakes, dispensed from a can like whipped cream. They're pretty good, actually, and definitely live up to the promise of "quick".

Of course, we probably don't need to have nearly instant pancakes, just sitting there in the refrigerator, waiting to be zooped out onto a hot griddle. I think we'll be having too many pancakes for the next week or so -- since we bought the stuff from Costco, and so have THREE cans o'pancake in there.

They certainly aren't as good as made-from-scratch batter (even made from mix batter), but they are light and have a nice buttery, yeasty taste to them. Tender, and not chewy at all (which is my primary complaint about Perkin's pancakes -- chewiness).

I'm not sure if this is meant to be marketed towards parents...I can't imagine that pancakes every morning is a good idea with small children, but talk about convenient. We certainly had fun with them!

Bacon!

For those of us who crave bacon on a regular basis (and especially during those monthly cycles where bacon and chocolate sound really good together) -- I submit for your enjoyment,
The Bacon Flowchart.

Thinning the Gene Pool

Literally.

Check out this example of Idiocy.

What the f-- is wrong with these people?

A proposed Pennsylvania bill: Allow doctors to deny treatment, medicine on religious grounds

Pennsylvania Senate Bill 1255, also called the Conscientious Objection Act, would absolve medical care providers of liability in cases where reproductive care was denied based on a practitioner's religious or moral beliefs.

Services a provider would be free to withhold, with immunity, include performing an abortion, artificial insemination, and prescribing birth control or emergency contraception (also known as the "morning-after pill").

"There shall be no cause of action against a health care provider for declining to participate in a health care service that violates his or her conscience," the bill reads. "A health care institution that declines to provide or participate in a health care service that violates its conscience," it adds, "shall not be civilly, criminally or administratively liable."

"I intend with this bill," says Senator John Eichelberger (R-Altoona) to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, "to make it very clear that people in health care and in medical institutions would be held harmless if they for religious reasons decide not to provide procedures for abortion or contraception."

What the fuck? If you refuse to perform the required, legal job, you shouldn't be a doctor or pharmacist or what have you. How hard is that for these idiots to comprehend? What next? Refusing to provide required medical care because the person is Muslim or Catholic? Or they belong to the wrong golf club? Or they are the wrong color? The criteria here are just as arbitrary, and I, for one, am horrified a the implications. Apparently there are a lot of people out there who have no problem at all insisting that their personal beliefs be legislated for everyone.

Just fine and dandy, you think? Wait until the personal beliefs don't happen to coincide with yours. Keep your private, personal religious beliefs out of the public sphere, mmmkay?

What is wrong with these people?

Huh?

This morning on NBC’s Today Show, President Bush denied that the there’s any link between the faltering U.S. economy and $10 billion a month being spent on the Iraq war. In fact, according to Bush, the war is actually helping the economy:

CURRY: You don’t agree with that? It has nothing do with the economy, the war — spending on the war?

BUSH: I don’t think so. I think actually the spending in the war might help with jobs…because we’re buying equipment, and people are working. I think this economy is down because we built too many houses and the economy’s adjusting. ...

Crab Cakes!

And a four-pound brownie. We went to dinner with our neighbors again -- the Oceanaire, since my sister gave us a gift-certificate for Christmas. She's the best at picking gifts: I mentioned months ago that we had been to the restaurant to my other sister, who mentioned it in passing, and J remembered it -- from back in September. Wow.

Mmm. The best crab-cakes I have ever had. Absolutely.

This whole week has been one fabulous meal after another -- Wednesday, one of the tech reps at the cath lab took everyone out to Sugarbeet, in Longmont, to demo a new product. Valentine's Day, we stayed in and grilled filets, made our so-not-good-for-you Fettuccine Alfredo and drank a top-ranked bottle of wine from Mollydooker, and Friday out to the Oceanaire for crab cakes that are out of this world good... We are spoiled, I tell you what!

Cute Puppy Pictures

Communiques

I'm sure everyone has seen this, but it made me giggle:

The Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ----- for now

No Wonder!

Well, we all knew it -- 96% of the email sent last year was spam. If you're like me, you get one or two actual emails accompanied by pages and pages of ads, offers, and other crap that seems to overwhelm everything. Even with good spam filters, dozens of these make it through every day.

Can you imagine how much better things would perform if there wasn't 96 spam messages for every four valid emails? When they need just one person to respond to the spam to "pay" for the millions of messages they send, well, it ain't gonna go away anytime soon.

So, the Economist has quantified it:

LAST year, spam accounted for up to 96% of all e-mail traffic, according to Commtouch, a security-software company. Undeterred by tough legislation and better security, spammers use increasingly sophisticated methods to evade filters and fool increasingly savvy internet users. But the nature of spam remains pretty basic. In the last three months of 2007, 70% of e-mails offered sexual enhancers,

Well, that certainly describes my inbox. Viagra, Cialias, less-than-savory offers for things that will enlarge or enhance a part of the anatomy that I don't have...

Only about 1% are pornography, and about 5% are fake financial scams. I don't know if this includes the "phishing" emails -- I have to assume it does, since those are the most common financial emails out there. I knew it was bad, but I didn't realize that almost 70% of ALL EMAIL traversing the internet was for 'sexual enhancers'. Well, we know what's important, now, don't we?

Jumbotron

Well, I have a new tiny-little sorry-assed first-world problem: my new monitor is SO BIG that I have to turn my head to see the corners.

I have a cramp.

Of course, I'm having a hard time finding anyone to really pity me much for this awful and nearly insurmountable problem. Woe is me.


My company paid out their stock options last week, and we allotted a smidgen of it for "fun money" -- my immediate purchase was an absolutely glorious 30" Samsung monitor. It's bigger than the TV! It's HUUUUGE. The monitor on the left is 20" and it's puny, bwaahahaha!

The Adorable Husband had to build an extension shelf onto the back of my desk, so I could push it far enough back that it wasn't like sitting in the front row of a movie. I moved my old monitor over to be my work monitor (yes, I have two computers on my desk, one for work and one for non-work. The last time I installed work stuff on my own desktop, it took weeks to clean up the resulting mess. )

I think I may have regained some of my geek points.

Queen of the World

Since I've been pretty lax in posting anything to the blog (it's been really busy at work), I thought I'd share with you all this photo of a blissfully sleeping puppy.

Obviously, Berit is a nervous dog, unsure of her place in the world....

7000-year-old Egyptian City

A team of US archaeologists has discovered the ruins of a city dating back to the period of the first farmers 7,000 years ago in Egypt's Fayyum oasis, the supreme council of antiquities said on Tuesday.

"An electromagnetic survey revealed the existence in the Karanis region of a network of walls and roads similar to those constructed during the Greco-Roman period," the council's chief Zahi Hawwas said.

The remnants of the city are "still buried beneath the sand and the details of this discovery will be revealed in due course," Hawwas said.

"The artefacts consist of the remains of walls and houses in terracotta or dressed limestone as well as a large quantity of pottery and the foundations of ovens and grain stores," he added.

The remains date back to the Neolithic period between 5,200 and 4,500 BC.

The local director of antiquities, Ahmed Abdel Alim, said the site was just seven kilometres (four miles) from Fayyum lake and would probably have lain at the water's edge at the time it was inhabited. [Yahoo news]

Almost Smarter than an 8th Grader

I'm...almost smarter than an 8th grader. It's been a long time since I thought about some of those questions.

See? I knew that inportant stuff was getting pushed off the stack.

And...

79%

The Smell of Books

Erie has a new Library! Finally, after 17 years of supposedly being served by a Bookmobile that actually showed up a total of five times, our new Community Center and new Library opened last weekend. It's lovely. Only about half-full right now, but I'm so excited!

So I head off last night to get a library card and wander around the new library...

Wait, a bit of background here. For anyone who knows me, the fact is that I am a well known Liberator of Library Books. I don't mean to be, I mean I try to return things promptly, but when it comes to books I tend to forget that just because the book is in my house, doesn't mean it belongs to me. Many overdue notices and letters for lost books show up at the Phouka household. I'm really good for a while, then I lapse. I do my penance (pay fines) and return, only to lapse again. It's been quite awhile since I had a library to go to, though.

But back to my saga. I approach the shiny new circulation desk and produce my driver's license and a printed check (for a second form of identification) to the nice librarian and she stands there for a moment staring at the names.

"Phouka....Phouka....I know that name!"

The klaxons go off in my head, and a sharp pang of terror weakens my knees. OMIGOD! They KNOW! The aren't going to give me a library card! They KNOW I'm a book thief! AAARGH!

"You donated a lot to the Children's Library."

My relief was so great I nearly swooned.

Moments later, shiny new library card in hand, I skipped off into the new library and wandered among the stacks and the new book smell.

With the best intentions to be a good library patron, of course. Really!

Sugar Crash

So my sister has had a pretty bad week. Her son is very sick with flu (high fever, barfing, the works) and her house has chosen this week to decide that heat is optional, as is hot water. Those two are easy enough to fix, but a sick kid doesn't eat much, doesn't drink much, and as a result...doesn't poo.

Well, you think, not so worrisome as all that. It happens. But four or five days and my sister is getting a bit freaked out. He's having abdominal pain, and is cranky as all get out. Floundering around for a means to solve this problem, she alights on the fact that corn syrup actually has laxative effects.

Right! Corn Syrup! Which she then fed to her son in just about every concoction she could think of. Mixed into Gatorade, poured over cereal, over fruit, teaspoons of it plain. I'm sure if the poor kid had felt any better, he'd have been sure he'd hit the jackpot! Sugar! On Everything! W00t!

It worked, of course; but I can only imagine the Serious Sugar Crazies in the household (for a kid who is already on the high end of active) and then the absolute, utter, dead-to-the-world Sugar Crash that happened later.

I'm sure he fell asleep in mid-word a bit later that night. Possibly in mid-step, falling to the floor in a drooling, snoring heap.

Heh.

Addendum

OK, I admit, I spent a bit of time poking around the AiG site. Whoo-boy, is there a lot of ...um...interseting conjecture there. But it was this item in their "Statement of Faith" that made me laugh like a hyena:

No apparent, perceived or claimed evidence in any field, including history and chronology, can be valid if it contradicts the Scriptural record.

Well, of course not! If you require that your worldview is absolutely correct, you simply refuse to see any contradictory evidence. Doesn't exist.

No, not doesn't, can't exist. Because actual empirical evidence, based on observation of the real word, will demolish your baseless assertions. No, can't have that. Better just to blindly stick to doctrine

What a complete crock of shit.

Science? Really?

Ok, this just made me laugh, then sort of shake my head with bemused horror. AiG -- Answers in Genesis, a very populate creationist/ID website, has decided that it will host - -get this -- peer reviewed papers, so that it can be all scienc-y and stuff, ya know?

[...] Answers Research Journal will provide scientists and students the results of cutting-edge research that demonstrates the validity of the young-earth model, the global Flood, the non-evolutionary origin of “created kinds,” and other evidences that are consistent with the biblical account of origins.

I've posted a couple of comment earlier on the ridiculous claim that ID is "scientific", but I just had to post their guidelines for paper review as a concrete evidence that they really have no idea how science actually works. I'm not really aware of any other "scientific journal" that pre-defines the evidences that they are going to accept. But that's only the tip of the iceberg.

VIII. Paper Review Process
Upon the reception of a paper the editor-in-chief will follow the procedures below:
A. Receive and acknowledge to the author the paper’s receipt.
B. Review the paper for possible inclusion into the ARJ review process.
The following criteria will be used in judging papers:
1. Is the paper’s topic important to the development of the Creation and Flood model?
2. Does the paper’s topic prvoide an original contribution to the Creation and Flood model?
3. Is this paper formulated within a young-earth, young-universe framework?
4. If the paper discusses claimed evidence for an old earth and/or universe, does this paper offer a very
constructively positive criticism and provide a possible young-earth, young-universe alternative?
5. If the paper is polemical in nature, does it deal with a topic rarely discussed within the origins
debate?
6. Does this paper provide evidence of faithfulness to the grammatical-historical/normative interpretation of Scripture? If necessary, refer to: R. E. Walsh, 1986. Biblical hermeneutics and creation. Proceedings First International Conference on Creationism, vol. 1, pp. 121–127. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: Creation Science Fellowship.

What does this mean, exactly?

1. While this assumes that there is a valid creation and flood model, we might even grant this one as acceptable, since they are an ID-based organization. I don't expect a journal devoted to ornithology to entertain papers on the development of fish, for example.
2. see 1, and has this actually changed in the last 3000 years?
3. "does this paper already presuppose that we are right?"
4. "if the paper actually includes actual physical, observable evidence, does this paper dismiss/explain these facts if they do not support the creationism/ID model?
5. "does this paper assign special privilege to conformity to a doctrine over and above correlation to observational reality'

So, basically, "Make your papers conform to doctrine and we'll peer-review them. If they don't, well, tough noogies. We're only interested in apologetics." Great science, there. Basically, adherence to Scripture is of primary importance, not "science".

And then, the best of all: they won't even consider your paper if it CONFLICTS with doctrine.

Remark:
The editor-in-chief will not be afraid to reject a paper if it does not properly satisfy the above criteria or it conflicts with the best interests of AiG as judged by its biblical stand and goals outlined in its statement of faith. [emphasis mine]

Just as a quick comparison, here are the author guidelines from Science/AAAS. No presupposition on topic, or dire warnings that they must conform to specific doctrine. Imagine that.

This quote, from a creationist/ID proponent online (not a scientist, as far as I can tell, just a staunch fundamentalist Christian who is a Biblical Literalist) seems to sum up why I have little tolerance for people who argue that ID is "science" and that what they are doing is "scientific":

"The proper approach to any truth search is to select the most plausible Fundamental Assumptions first. I call this a Worldview. The Theistic Worldview is far more consistent with the evidence ... I have presented much of this evidence previously. After the most plausible worldview is selected, then and only then can one set about evaluating data."

oooookay. No. This is not scientific investigation. This is (with the unfounded assertions and a priori arguments intact) almost the exact opposite. "I have the answer, let's find the evidence to support it" is not the way things work. It's supposed to be "ooh, that's weird. I wonder what that piece of data signifies".