Not Getting it

If television commercials are to be believed, our homes smell like rancid gym socks and dead animals, and require constasnt puffs of fragrance from little plug-in machines to make them smell tolerable enough that we can invite people into our home.

Glade commercials with women embarassed about not having a "fresh" house, animated characters married to centipedes having to spritz things because of shoe smells, people hiding in bathrooms to snort the new, fresh smell. People driving in circles or laying on the carpet smelling the just-Febreezed clean scent are a little creepy. The commercials are weird.

We have Glade and Febreeze and Oust sanitizer spray to ensure that you can't smell what you're cooking for dinner, lest it offend someone, various dual sprays and timed sprays and heated plug-ins and fans. Scented candles in a bazillion different strong odors. What is WITH this?

I can't stand the fake flowery smells that most of these things put out. It's cloying and too strong and give me a serious headache. The ones that swap different smells every few minutes are the worst, you can't get used to the smell and the overlay of hawaiin lei and jasmine starts to stink to high heaven after while.

Oh, I'm all for a nice gingerbread smelly candle at the holidays, but having one of these things going every single day so that your house smells like a chemical factory seems like overkill.

I just saw a commercial for a new Febreze scent ''Brazil Carnival''. What? What does this possibly smell like? Sweaty drag queen, aged urine, and vomit?

Mmm. Count me out.